17/2/08

Secret Identity

I saw the movie Jumper today with a friend. It's a pretty cool movie - a bit of action, not too much of romance, some special effects.

It also reminded me of a friend. In one of the scene, the girl (there's always a girl) said to the guy (and there's always a guy chasing the girl) "It's okay if you don't wanna tell me everything, just don't lie to me' and bam!! This friend's face comes to mind. Here's the lowdown; I have this friend, TI. We've been friends for 3-4 years now i think. But we haven't talk or see each other for about a year or more now. But yeah, i suppose i haven't been making too much an effort myself. I mean i've tried to keep in touch, every once in a long while (hehehe)....but i'm not a scrub, or a stalker, so i figure, either the calls come back or that's that.

And then there's the rumor (i call everything a rumor unless it's proven to be true) that says that TI is not even TI. and that TI wasn't doing what he said he was doing. and that he is pissed that another friend found out about his 'secret identity' or i guess in this case real self. When i heard about this, my first reaction was "No, no way, he would tell me if that's the case" "I mean, he should know me well to trust me with these things". I guess it's always been my hope to be the person who's trusted by friends, you know, to confide and stuff.......so maybe that explains my first reaction. After a while, as i reflect on it more and more, i have to say that it is possible that the rumor is indeed true. There have been signs, certain things that was a bit unusual. Hmmm.......i don't know.

The thing is, i dun actually like to speculate. It has always been my preference to get clarification straight from the actual party. So i did, and it wasn't welcomed as much as i expected it to be. So, instead of "tell me the truth", i chose "I don't want to assume, so i'm asking you, and if you say yes, then i'll believe it's a yes, if you say no, then i'll believe it's a no. I didn't get either one. What i got was more of a "It's up to you, whether you would want to believe me or the others". At that point, i didn't want to repeat my question, so i just changed the topic. I have said it before to him - "It's okay if you're not comfortable telling me everything, it's cool, i understand, it's not my right to know anyway. Just don't lie to my face".

So yeah, i am in the opinion that we all have our own demon and we have every right to keep certain things to ourself. No other human owns us, so if we have our own reason for the lie we have to make and live with, no justification is needed.

So if you ever read this, TI, here's what you should know: I am still very much a friend. Even if the rumor is true, i won't be mad. I won't be mad because i'm sure that you have your reasons for doing so. I have my own share of lies in my life, so i sort of understand. And if the rumor is just a rumor, then tell me so. You have my word that i will not use it against you. I would very much like to help, but only if it's wanted.

I'd like to think that at the very least, you know me enough to believe in what i'm saying.

If not, then i guess there's nothing else left to do. Whatever will be, will be.